When was the last time you really paused and reflected on how you are living your life? Are you in control of everything and everyone around you? Do you feel like you need to be in control?
There was an event in my family recently where I was asked to provide professional guidance to illicit the best possible outcome. I jumped in wholeheartedly and like a good daughter did everything I could to direct and advise the situation. However, the person who requested my help didn’t really want it. My advice and directions were thwarted at every turn until finally I stepped back and took a breath.
I was angry.
I was hurt.
A few years ago I broke away from the family faith and became Catholic. I love to read and reading books by New York Times best selling authors is my “go to.” Matthew Kelly, in his book “Resisting Happiness” states that there are four words that embody the Christian life (found in the Our Father prayer): Thy Will Be Done. Since becoming Catholic I have made a habit of praying the rosary (almost) daily. The Our Father prayer is part of the Rosary and in my anger at this family situation I felt compelled to really consider the meaning of these words.
Thy Will Be Done.
Honestly, I don’t like those words. It is hard to let a situation “be” and let God handle it. That means I am not in control. My control for that situation and in theory every situation, is not one of true control but rather true illusion. That scares me a bit. If I am not in control, then who is?
God.
I had to ask myself why allowing God to be in control scared me. What was my image of God? Far away, sitting on a throne, indifferent to me and my problems? Yup. That was my image of God before I became Catholic. My old habits and instincts and fears were kicking in.
I know better. I had to stop and consider how I wanted to live my life. Did I want to take up the mantle of pain, anger and resentment OR consider who God is; a loving father who is actively involved in my life.
I had to reflect and remember all the times he has provided for me; the time when I was a single mom and didn’t have enough money for diapers. A check for $250 arrived in the mail. I had never met the person who sent that money to me. It just arrived out of the blue. Time and again, just at the nick of time, God has provided.
That is the rub, though. It happens “just in the nick of time.” It doesn’t happen in my time.
I was sitting in the adoration chapel not long ago praying over this family situation when a thought came to me: Jesus never hurried.
John chapter 11 shows me that Jesus’ friend Lazarus was dying. Jesus was not in a hurry to save him. He knew death was not the end and took two days to arrive in Judea. I imagine Jesus walking the road to Lazarus’ home.
Slow, steady, in control.
Then there is John chapter 20. Simon Peter found the linen cloths in Jesus’s tomb. The head cloth was folded, separate from the linen cloth that covered his torn body.
Folded.
Only someone who is calm and in control would consider folding the cloth. Nothing hurried. Nothing rushed.
What is my job, then, if not to be in control?
Genesis 7:5 gives me a clue: “Noah did everything that the Lord God commanded him to do.”
I can’t control the situation with my family, but I can control how I respond to it. God calls me to be faithful, to trust his love, and do the right thing.
I pray daily. I am placing this situation before him and will do what I can to be supportive, kind and loving; reflecting the God that I know.
What is your image of God? How does it impact how you respond to life’s challenges? Share your thoughts with me at heatheranne@calmjourney.org
I hope you see God’s fingerprints all over your day.
Blessings,
Heather
Calm Journey 